Over the next few months, while waiting for Slider to
be published, I’ll be profiling heroes of the sport, both IRL and fictional.
Today I present a tribute to a character from the book.
Although in this case,
“tribute” might not be the right word.
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Virgil “El Gurgitator” Schutlebecker
Weight: 247 lbs
Height: 5’11”
Age: 36
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Virgil “El Gurgitator”
Schutlebecker, better known as simply “The Gurge,” is more antihero than hero.
As Jooky Garafalo once said, “Virgil looks like the love-child of Gary Busey’s
and Nick Nolte’s mugshots, and he has a personality to match.
In fact, the Gurge is
arguably the most despised competitive eater on the planet. Known for his
capacious appetite, dirty tricks, and unrelenting trash talk, the Gurge has
been disqualified from more contests than he has won.
Nevertheless, he is a
true talent, the holder of several records (some disputed), and a force to be
reckoned with.
“If the Gurge didn’t
cheat, he’d rule this sport,” says top competitor Jooky Garafalo. “But he just
can’t help himself. Dude was born a jerk.”
For example, the Gurge
won a chicken wing event in Pennsylvania—six pounds of wings in ten minutes.
The results were disputed. The second place finisher claimed that the Gurge had
stuffed several wings down his shirt. Still, the Gurge won by more than two
pounds—no matter how many wings he rat-holed, he had his opponents so dominated
he would have won anyway. Maybe it’s like Jooky says—he just can’t help
himself.
There’s even a word for
getting beaten—fairly or unfairly—by El Gurgitator. They say, “You’ve been Gurged.”
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